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2018年10月17日 00:17:41 | 作者:豆瓣晚报 | 来源:新华社
BJ单身日记:理性边缘 Bridget Jones The Edge of Reason 英文剧本 -- :5: 来源: [Bridget] Another year, a brand new diary. Once again I was summoned, kicking and screaming, to my mother's turkey curry buffet, where I've had some of the most shaming experiences of my life. - [doorbell] - Hello, darling. - Lovely to see you. - [Magic Moments plays] It was, as usual, crammed full with some of the most dangerous perverts in the UK, disguised as close, personal friends of my parents. - Hello, Bridget. - Hello, Una. - Oh, no, thanks. - Love the jumper. - I prefer what's underneath it. - Uncle Geoffrey! - Hello, gorgeous. - Hello. - Hello, darling. - Hello, Dad. How's it going? I wish I was dead. [Bridget] But this year, there was one crucial difference. - Nice jumper. - My mother's taste never falters. Never. [ The Sound Of Music] [birdsong] [Bridget hums along with song] You always wonder how it's going to work out at the end of the story. Maria and Captain Von Trapp, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Mark Darcy and Bridget Jones. I've found my happy ending at last. And nothing in the world can spoil it. Well, almost nothing. [man] Bridget Jones, what the fuck are you doing? - l, I can't see anywhere soft to land. - How about on your arse? Bridget, unless you want to get sacked at 6,000 feet, you will be on your way in exactly three seconds. Three, two, one... cue Bridget. Skydiving: a dangerous bane to the countryside and emergency services, or a safe and exhilarating hobby? Well... Iet's see, shall we? Go. Jump. - Christ's sakes, go! - [screams] [shrill scream] - She's out. Two, you got her? - [man] We see her. - Bridget, open the chute. - [Bridget screams] - Open it. - [Bridget screams] Open your fucking parachute! [director] Pull the thingy or you will die! [screams] Oh. [Bridget] Honestly, you get just one teeny, weeny detail and everyone treats you like an idiot. [Carly Simon] Nobody does it better Makes me feel sad the rest Nobody does it Half as good as you Baby, baby Darling, you're the best Baby, you're the best... [Bridget] Where was I? Oh, yes... Mark Darcy. The question is: what happens after you walk off into the sunset? [director] Bridget? Earth to Bridget Sodding Jones. - [pigs snort] - [Bridget screams] [Bridget groans] [Director] Bridget, you're on. You're live. Well, this is Bridget Jones Sit Up Britain, reporting to you from a big vat of excrement. - [pigs snort] - [Bridget yelps] - [squelching] - Give me a close-up of the porker. [ Minnie Ripperton: Loving You][Bridget] Who cares about the odd professional hiccup? I've been in a functional relationship with an adult male six wonderful weeks, four fabulous days and seven precious hours. Or to put it another way, 7 1 ecstatic shags. He's given up being snooty, and I've given up smoking. - Loving you... - Well, he thinks I have anyway, which is practically the same thing. ...a dream come true... [Bridget] Mark Darcy is perfect. Not a fuckwit, alcoholic, workaholic, pervert or megalomaniac, but total sex god and human rights lawyer. He is a miracle, really. - Bridget, will you stop? - [record scratches] Stop staring at me. Go and find something to do. Sorry. [song starts up again] La la la la la... [Bridget] So, as you can see, the incredible truth is the wilderness years are over. Bridget Jones is a love pariah no more. [bell] Morning, Bridget. Late again. [sighs] Yes. Sorry. I was in bed with my boyfriend. He's a human rights lawyer, you know. Yes, we know. I cannot believe how fantastic shagging was last night. Maybe I'll ring him. No, no... Obviously it's important to tell one's boyfriend how nice he looks naked, but I have crucial, Pulitzer Prize winning journalism to do. [speed dialling, ringing [Mark] Hello? It's me. Just wondered how you are. I'm fine, thanks. Everything all right with you? [whispering] Fine, though, er,... I've just had a rather graphic shag flashback. And you do have a genuinely gorgeous bottom. Thank you. I'm with the Mexican ambassador, the head of Amnesty lnternational and the Undersecretary Trade and lndustry. And you're on speakerphone. Oh. Right, well... I'm quite busy with important stuff too... Bridget, we're waiting that tape about Tom, the happy hamster. - [Mark] I'll call when I've finished. - Excellent. And Richard wants to see you about that crap skydiving report. [whispers] Oh, fuck. Oh, dear. Is this the end of my career? No, it can't be. I will fight this. I am a journalist of the highest standards and integrity. [tape whirs] [on tape] This is Bridget Jones reporting from a big vat of excrement. Look, I never said I could skydive and I'm terrified of heights, - so it was really hard to concentrate. - Be quiet. They loved it upstairs. Loved it. And they want us to come up with another regular spot you. [laughs] Oh, my God. That's... - I won't let you down, Richard. - Precisely. ...my friends' motto was "When in Rome, do as many Romans as you can. " But if your tastes are marginally more highbrow, I also have tips. get the um, definitely get the Coliseum, no fun now they can't slaughter Christians. get the Sistine Chapel, first example of a poof interior designer gone mad... What is Daniel Cleaver doing on the television? It's called The Smooth Guide. "Making culture bearable". ...equally serene and equally beautiful Professore Giovana Dabrache. who is about to show me her diptych. Same old creep. [chuckles] Oh. Shame. He always speaks very warmly of you. - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. How about we go out a bite to eat tonight? Oh. Can't. I have to go out with my boyfriend. - He's a human rights lawyer. - I know. I'm meeting him a romantic supper. - [mobile rings] - Oh. - Bridget Jones. - Bridget, it's Mark. Oh. I was just talking about you. I'm running late. Do you want me to cancel? - Oh. No, that's fine. - Are you sure? Be as late as you like. Chuck him, while you're not pregnant with his unwanted child. I only said he was working late. In one hour, he'll be coming in his secretary's mouth while he rings to say what he wants starters. [Bridget] Friends spend years finding you a boyfriend, then instantly tell you to dump him. Even if he isn't shagging her aly, he's thinking about it. A man dating a woman with large breasts will bed one with small breasts. Rubbish. Mark's above all that nonsense. Jellyfisher alert. Jellyfisher alert. [Bridget] Janey Osborne. Talking to her is like swimming in a sea and being stung repeatedly by an enormous jellyfish. Bridget. How's it going with that divine man of yours? You must be so pleased to have a boyfriend at last. First jellyfish of the evening. Is he taking you to the Law Council Dinner? Oh. Well, I'm sure he's just gotten. Better start slimming into that dress. He's given you the night off to cheer up your single friends. Sweet. Actually, he's got a big case on, trying to get everyone in Mexico out of prison. We're meeting a very late romantic dinner. Really? That's so odd, 'cause I saw him an hour ago going into his house with Rebecca Gillies. She's only . She's got legs up to here. And Daddy owns half of Australia. See ya, babes. Who is Rebecca Gillies? What's she doing going into my boyfriend's house? Where he never asks me. And with legs up to here? - My legs only come up to there. - [Jude] You have fine legs. Climber's legs. I say go over there and ask him, straight out, are you or are you not sleeping with Rebecca Gillies? - [Shazzer] If he says... - I won't dignify that with an answer... Then you know he's shagging her. All that I have is all that you've given... [Bridget] It's all about confidence and trust. Mark would never betray me. Everything will be lovely and we'll have sex in the kitchen. - Oh, God. - [woman inside] I'm coming. Oh, God! What is that? [woman] Two seconds, I'll be straight down. Who is that? ...I find you lied And I can't believe it's true Wrapped in her arms I see you across the street I see you across the street And I can't help but wonder If she knows what's going on You talk of love But don't know how it feels When you realise You're not the only one [Mark] Let's get on with it. ...oh, you better stop - Stop - Bee You tear me all apart You better stop - Stop... - You are a very demanding man. - ...you go and break my heart... - [Bridget yelps] [chuckles] Bridget Jones. No, I'm Bridget Jones. - [chuckles] That's what I meant. - You must be... Rebecca Gillies. I've been so looking ward to meeting you - after everything Mark's told me. - Why? What's he said? - Where is Mark? - Actually, er... - [Mark] Becky, who is it? - Becky? - Right. - Great. - Right... - Bridget. Hello, Mark. [laughs nervously] Hello... Iawyers who work with Mark. [all] Good evening. Everything under control, I see. Um... Excellent graph. - Lovely legs. - Thank you. [lawyers chat] I am so sorry. I thought... Oh, I don't know what I thought. Now you're really angry with me. - No, I'm not. - It's OK, you can say if you are. - It's not the end of the world. - I'll get you a glass of wine. The thing is I ran into Janey Osborne, who said she'd just seen you with this girl, with really long legs, and Shazzer and Jude said I should get over here straightaway. Following the orders of the dating war command, you executed a raid. - You are angry. - I'm not, just disappointed. Disappointed? Oh, God, that's worse than angry. I'm just disappointed I can't take you home this instant. Oh. [chuckles] What about all those lawyers? Oh, plenty of time to butter them up at the Law Council Dinner next Friday. Don't want to go, do you? I'd love to. Oh, stupid Bridget, stupid friends. Wonderful, loyal Mark Darcy... ...who loves me just the way I am. [birdsong] [Bridget pants] - [Mark] What are you doing? - Getting dressed. Why are you dancing around in that tent? [sighs] Because I don't want you to see any of my wobbly bits. That's pointless, because I have a very high regard your wobbly bits in all circumstances. - Really? - Absolutely. I think it's high time we had another look. Yeah Are you digging on me? Yeah I'm digging on you, now, baby Yeah Do you want a little bit of my love? Yeah... [Bridget] He really is very, very, very nice. All the time I knew That you loved me And you promised me... I miss you too. That you would be my only man Yeah Are you digging on me? [Bridget] I've never been happier in my entire life. However, must not obsess or fantasise. Bridget Darcy. Mrs Darcy. Mr and Mrs Darcy. Lord and Lady Darcy. Wonder what Mark Darcy would be like as a father. To his children, I mean, not to me. That would be a weird, Oedipus-like thought. At last, life is on track. Bridget Jones: fiancee, wife... mother. Bugger. [man] Ever fancied doing it in the dark with a total stranger? All right, perhaps not a total stranger. Back off, Cleaver, or I'll report you to a sexual harassment tribunal. I'm a serious journalist. Is that your most serious skirt, Jones? Oh... Do you like it? I thought you hated television. I hate watching television. Being on it is... Hello there. ...entirely different. Daniel, thought the Madrid piece was outstanding, really original. Cheers, Jeremy. Appreciate that. We had to work really hard on that one. Tosser. Talking of which, how is Mark Darcy? - You still...? - Yes, I am. And I intend to be a very long time. Good. You know what a fan I am of any woman married to Mark Darcy. - That's not funny. - Seriously, though, Jones, speaking purely unselfishly, I worry about you. You do know that it's a fact that most lawyer's wives die of boredom? And what about you? Still shagging anything that moves? As a matter of fact, no. No shagging whatsoever. I'm in shag therapy. It turns out I have a problem. I go to meetings, talk about my feelings. Hug people who smell. - I don't believe you. - I'm trying... ...to be a better man, Bridge, so that the next time a better woman comes along, I won't make a pig's ear of it. Daniel. Meeting? Yeah, yeah. Thanks. Very good hair, Jones. By the way, um, you're not free dinner tonight, are you? No, I'm not. I'm going to the Law Council Dinner. It's a very important evening. [ Kylie Minogue: Can't Get You Out Of My Head]I can't wear that. Bridge, do you want to get married and have babies bee you become barren? Trust me... [Bridget] Magda: my only grown-up friend. Married to Mark's partner. She actually got engaged on the night of the Law Council Dinner. Try it with the dress. Oh, my God! Remember, we are trying to reduce your body size by 1 5 per cent. You hold the front, I'll hold the back. One, two, three... [Bridget whimpers] - [Bridget shrieks] - What's going on in there? Not too bad, actually. Tra-la! Fantastic. Right, let us begin. I am going to make you into a princess. Goody. [Bridget] Nothing like being in the hands of a total genius. [whooshing] Wow. - [Jude on phone] Whatever you do... - Bugger it. ...don't iron your hair. [Jude] It's a lot worse than I thought. We could flatten it with Brylcreem. What about a wig? Lawyers love wigs. - I preferred you in the gold. - No, whatever you do, not the gold. Great. I'm late with mad hair and can barely breathe in scary knickers. La la la La la la la la... [Bridget] Oh, God. I'm very worried. What if someone says "Bridget Jones, get out of here, you are ridiculous"? Stop it. The most important thing, of course, is to look absolutely wonderful and make a magnificent entrance. I just can't get you out of my head... [chatter] [violins] Hi. Sorry I'm late. - Hello. - I think you should go to the ladies. But I went bee I left home. Trust me on this one. [gasps] Oh. Not good. [thinks] All right, tiny make-up mistake, but I always have wit and conversation to fall back on. Thank you. - Bridget. - Hello. Derek, Horatio, Camilla. - Horatio? - Yes, Horatio. Horatio was just saying he's totally against charitable giving. [laughs] - What? - Well, obviously you don't mean it. Absolutely. Do you think it's helpful to give a beggar fifty pence? - Maybe he's just hungry. - Don't be so naive. The people you see outside the tube every day are there by choice. - End of story. - Oh, no, it's not. Some people have terrible personal problems, and other people might have lost their family in some tragic ferry disaster. And some people are just plain hopeless. Honestly, this is the sort of rubbish you'd expect from fat, balding Tory, Home Counties, upper-middle-class twits. [music stops] - [chatter resumes] - [laughs uneasily] [violins, chatter] [man] Yeah, very good. Tested my resolve. How did I do? You seem to have made quite an impression. I've put you next to Giles Benwick. - Oh, I'm not sitting next to you? - No. He's terribly nice, but his wife's just run off with one of the partners. He probably won't mention it, but you should know. I always knew she was out of my league. You see, there's the high-fliers, like Annabel and Mark Darcy and there's the gorgeous girls, like Rebecca there and there's the rest of us. Like you and me, you mean? Absolutely. I mean, look at the state of us. You and me stumbled into the VlP room by mistake and it's only a matter of moments bee they show us the door. [pounding] My lords, ladies and gentlemen, let the quiz begin. [laughs] Oh, goody. I love quizzes. All those years of playing Trivial Pursuits are about to pay off. Now I want to see your hands poised over those bells. Ready? Here we go. What are something called "customary freeholds"? - [bell] - [man] Superior copyhold. [speaker] Yes. What is the correct grace used in the lnner Temple the second mooting night of Michaelmas term? - [bell] - [man] Amas bibendo... fructis. Jolly good. What is an overreaching conveyance? What is rack-rent? When was breach of promise abolished? Define "damnum sentit dominus". Translate "reddendo singula singulis" into Ancient Greek. I believe this is the answer. [bell] Hippodamoi credemnon louestai. - [speaker] Absolutely correct. - [applause] [speaker] Now, our final and deciding round, the category is contemporary culture. [murmuring] Who did the design Princess Diana's wedding dress? - [bell] - The Emmanuels. - Correct. - Excellent, Bridget. Name the character in Footballers' Wives who, in one memorable episode, set fire to her own breasts. - [bell] - Chardonnay. - [speaker] Correct. - [applause] At this point, there are only two tables in contention and only one question left. What was the name of Madonna's first UK single? - [bell] - [Bridget quietly] Lucky Star. - [speaker] Sorry, I didn't quite hear. - Are you sure? - Wasn't it Holiday? - No, everyone thinks it is, but it's not. My entire life has been leading up to this very moment. Take that knife, slice off my head and boil it if I'm wrong. The correct answer is Lucky Star. - No. - [groans of disappointment] - The correct answer is... - Is it Holiday? - [speaker] Holiday, indeed, yes. - [applause] [speaker] The winners of the nd Annual Law Council Quiz are... the Legal Eagles. [cheering] - Lovely to see you, Bridget. - Oh, thanks, Rebecca. Good night. [horn] [Bridget] Why didn't you speak to me all night? [Mark] That's the point of those dinners. But you talked to Rebecca. And you talked to Horatio. I'll never fit in with your friends. Not if you go on calling everyone "balding, upper-middle-class twits". Well, they were balding, upper-middle-class twits. Except the ones who had hair. I suppose you agree with them that poor people deserve to be poor? Don't be ridiculous. - So now I'm ridiculous? - Yes, tonight you were a little. Well, tonight you were an arrogant arse. I think I may have made a mistake inviting you and your folding underpants into my life. Good night. If you had asked me tonight, I'd have said no, anyway. Asked you what? - Bridget? - [sirens nearby] Asked you what? [Bridget] Oh, God, I've done it. I've gone and done it. One minute, you're closer to someone than anyone in the whole world, next minute, you're never going to see them again. [beeps] [rings] [Mark] If you have a message Mark Darcy, please speak after the tone. [beep] Hello, it's me. I'm really, really sorry... [buzzer] Sorry, it's the door. Don't go away, I have something really, really important to say. [buzzer] - Yes, who is it? - [Mark] It's me. - Mark. - Oh, right. Er, just a moment. I'm on the phone. [alarm] [laughs] You're outside. Look, er,... I'll ring you later. Unless you've come to chuck me once and all. In which case, bye and thank you, and... sorry. [buzzer] Oh, God, please don't chuck me. If you have chucked me, please change your mind, I'll behave much better in future. - [buzzer] - On the other hand, if you haven't, please behave better next time we go out. Stuck-up snob. [beep] What do you want? I'd like to come up. You are, after all, my girlfriend. Even though I shouted at you and called you an arrogant arse? Untunately, yes. You see, the problematic thing is... I love you. W-what? - I said I love you. - I'm sorry, I missed that again. I said I love you, God's sake! [all jeer] All right, no need to shout. I'll come down and let you in. [all cheer] You might be needing this in the future. He said he loves me. - [Tom] He said he loves you? - He said he loves me. - Right, where is he now? - [whispers] He's in the bedroom. Go back in there, Bridge, and whatever you do, act completely nonchalant. Bridget, you're staring at me again. Sorry. Listen, I know this evening didn't go exactly as planned, but there was a very important question I wanted to ask you tonight. - Oh, really? - Yes. [takes deep breath] I've actually been meaning to ask this quite some time. I've just never really found the right way to put it. Darling Bridget... ...would you... ...Iike to go on a skiing mini-break? Yes! What the world... [Bridget] This is not just a mini-break. This is a holiday in heaven. Told a tiny lie about being an extremely experienced skier. But, honestly, how hard can it be? - Ah. - Shall we? [Bridget[ I know I'm going to like skiing a lot. Very romantic, very relaxing. - Bar going up. - No. What? Why? [Bridget whimpers] Um... Er... Oh. Oh, God. [whimpers] Oh, God. Oh. [groans] Ah. [screams] Bridget. Rebecca. What are you doing here? - Didn't Mark tell you we were coming? - No, he didn't. It was me who recommended the place. - I've been coming since I was 1 1. - Really? [thinks] Three whole years. Come on, up you get. Come on. - There you go. - Are you all right? Yes, fine, thanks. - You sure? - Why is Rebecca here? Oh, God. Well, I mentioned that we were coming and she said why didn't they come too, and I couldn't say no, could l? Come on, you two, let's crack on, shall we? Actually, I might just sit this one out. You head on. - See you down there. - You sure? Absolutely. I'll be fine in a minute. Right, I'll see you at base camp, then. [thinks] Bastard. I can't believe he's left me. Ooh. Oooh. [thinks] So, romantic getaway has turned into lawyer's reunion . Oooh. I can't believe we're aly into group holidays after only eight weeks of total, undisturbed sex. Wait a minute... No. Eight weeks? It couldn't be, could it? Totally undisturbed... Oh, God. I'm pregnant. [whines] [screams] And going to die! [cheering] [screams] [screams] Oh, my God! I can't see! [screams] Big bump! Get out of the way! [screams] Who's this? An eccentric but exhilarating permance from a total unknown, who's now solidly in position the bronze. - [screams] - [bell clangs] [whines] I would like a pregnancy test, please. A pregnancy test. Ich bien, er, possibly... mit baby. Er... Kinder! I am on back... and he, er,... maken ze lieben. Er, with me. [German] She's pregnant! Oh, no! No, no, not pregnant. [German] She's bloated. - Condom? - Nein. Nein, nein. Maybe like this, but maybe like this. [German] I think her problem is psychological. [German] There is nothing a pill can do to help her. I'm a girl and I met a boy. Fraulein, and I met frau... boy. And possibly now mit baby, uh-huh? Right, moment of truth awaits. What if I am pregnant? I must try not to get hopes up too high. Boyfriend and baby seems just too lucky. Bridget? I have been looking everywhere you. I thought you'd broken a leg or something... Oh, God. - You're not...? - I might be. - What if I were? - Well, I suppose l'd... To be quite frank, it'd be bloody fantastic. I mean, if a little ahead of schedule. - Are you really pregnant? - Well, give it three minutes. - What do you fancy? Boy or a girl? - I dunno, it doesn't matter. Although, I suppose I've always had the fantasy of a son. - Another Mark Darcy. - Or maybe something like Huck. Or River. Or some fabulous Hebrew name like Noah. Anyway, I could teach him to play cricket and rugby and visit him at Eton on St Andrew's Day. Eton? Yes. The Darcy men have been going to Eton five generations. Well, my son's not going to be sent away from home. Especially to some fascist institution where they stick a poker up your arse that you're never allowed to remove again. I see. - I didn't mean you. - No, of course not. So what's the alternative? Sleeping in his parents' bed, breastfeeding until he's a teenager and some progressive school, where the day is spent singing Yellow Submarine? Oh, you're absolutely right. It's madness to allow a child to enjoy his education or live with his parents. What is madness is to have a child if his parents can't have a discussion without one shouting at the other. It's negative. - That's too bad. - Yes, very sad. Perhaps we should go out lunch tomorrow. Get out of the grump. That's a good idea in theory, but you made a family arrangement. Oh, God. [doorbell] Darlings! I've had the fabulous idea of inviting your parents. [Bridget] Another one of Mother's culinary triumphs. - Everything in miniature. - Mini treacle tart, Admiral Darcy? No, no, thank you. The mini spotted dick rather finished me off. [polite laughter] So, Mark, Bridget, when are you two lovebirds going to name the day? Bridget, you must want to hear those ding-dong bells. Well, we're certainly not thinking about that yet. Are we, Bridget? No. God, no. Of course not. [Mr Jones] Good. Well, that's that sorted. So, Admiral, out on the high seas. How was it? - Did you mean that thing you said? - What thing? - You know what thing. - No, I don't know what thing. The thing thing. Now, let's see, there are any number of things, um... in an afternoon full of all sorts of things, so l, um,... The thing where you said you're not, um,... That you're not, not even thinking about, um... What's the matter? Let's get a drink. I'm going to go to the loo, then I'm going to come back. And then we're going to be civilised. [telephone] Ifyou have a message Mark Darcy, speak after the tone. [beep] Mark, it's Rebecca. Are you there? Obviously not. Probably still out with Bridget. Um... Anyway, I hope lunch with the parents went well. I'm sure you were dutiful and very polite, as usual. Er... Whatever. Anyway, look, maybe give me a ring when you get back. I thought I might pop round a nightcap. But I suppose that's a silly idea. Bridget's probably there. - Sleep tight. - [beep] Oh, Christ, what now? Are you or are you not having an affair with Rebecca Gillies? I won't dignify that question with an answer. Right. All I did was go to the loo. Bridget! Bridget. That's not your coat. Oh, right. Oh, Bridget, what are you doing? I you should never date someone if you can think of three reasons not to. - Can you think of three? - Yes. - Which are? - Well, first off, I embarrass you. I can't ski, I can't ride, I can't speak Latin. My legs only come up to here and yes, I will always be a little bit fat. And you, you fold your underpants bee you go to bed. - Now, hang on, that can't be a reason. - No, it's not a reason. But you're not perfect either. You look down your nose at absolutely everyone, and you're incapable of doing anything spontaneous or potentially affectionate. It feels like you're waiting to find someone in the VlP room who's, who's so fantastic... just the way she is, that you don't need to fix her. Bridget, this is mad. Perhaps you've aly found her. Do you want to marry me? Look, l... You see, you can never muster the strength... to fight me. [Bridget] I can't believe I did that. What do I gotta do to make you love me? What do I gotta do to make you care? [dog barks] What do I gotta do when lightning strikes me Hmm And I wake to find that you're not there? What do I gotta do to make you want me? Hmm What do I gotta do to be heard? [siren] And what do I say when it's all over, babe? Oooh-ooh And sorry seems to be the hardest word It's sad So sad Why can't we talk it over, babe? Always seems to me When sorry seems to be The hardest word [Bridget] Five weeks later. Weight: , 000 pounds. Am enjoying a relationship with two men simultaneously. The first is called Ben, the other, Jerry. Number of current boyfriends: zero. Number of calls from ex-boyfriend: [electronic voice] You have absolutely no messages. Not a single one. Not even from your mother. [telephone] - Hello? - Hello, darling. - You haven't gotten our lunch date? - [Bridget] Of course I have. - I'm suicidally depressed. - Don't be silly, Bridget. Meet me at Debenhams at twelve o'clock. Mum... I thought we were going to have something to eat. [Mum] Patience, please. I've got a big surprise you, darling. - What? - Don't say "what", say "pardon". [shrill] Tra-la! - What do you think? - Oh, my God. Daddy and I are getting married. - You're aly married. - We're doing it again. Reaffirming our vows. You are going to be a bridesmaid, and absolutely everything is going to be lavender. And when I say everything, I mean... ...everything. [laughs] Oh, God, I'm never going to get married and my sodding mum and dad are doing it twice. No more candlelight No more romance - No more small talk... - [Bridget] Bloody know-it-all. New York: the Big, Juicy Apple. The city that never sleeps with the same person two nights running. My favourite place in America, where Sex And The City isn't just a programme, it's a promise. [bell] - [phone rings] - [man] Morning, Rach. Sorry. Oh, cheer up, misery guts. I have good news you. [chuckles] Sure, right. What's the angle? I interview some rocket scientist while he looks through my skirt with X-ray glasses? No. Although that is a bloody good idea. No. The fact is The Smooth Guide is doing very well with women, but the network want us to cast a wider net and use a Smooth Guide-ess. Me? With Daniel Cleaver? It's the next logical step. I think Thailand is first on the list. No. I won't do it. Not now. Not in a million years from now. - Excuse me? - I am a top television journalist, not some boorish bint in a bikini. Really? Strong words from somebody who doesn't know where Germany is. - [sniggering] - Who told you that? Cleaver. He said he couldn't be expected to go out with someone who thought lran was David Bowie's wife, and who didn't know where Germany was. Daniel Cleaver is a deceitful, sexist, disgusting specimen of humanity, that I wouldn't share a lift with, let alone a job. Come on, Jones, there must have been something you liked about me. Come on, Jones, there must have been something you liked about me. Well,... you have a nice car. And quite nice manners. Outside the bedroom. But that's about it. And by the way, I know exactly where Germany is. The question is do you know the location of your arsehole? As a matter of fact, I do know the exact location of my arsehole. And hers. Oh, come on, Jones, it was just a silly joke. Not a very funny one. - Go on, then. - What? Where is it? Where is Germany? - Next to France. - And? And also Belgium,... Poland. And it has a sea coast. Which sea? Oh, sod it. Now, look, I think we should talk about Finch's suggestion. I am going to Thailand, Jones. Wouldn't you like to be my little Girl Guide? Thailand? - You'll shag bee you leave Heathrow. - I'll be perfectly fine. I'm eschewing all men. And cigarettes. And carbohydrates. - We can't possibly let you go. - On your own. Oh, stop it, all of you. I am a mature, sophisticated, professional woman and I'm going to Thailand entirely on my own, thank you very much. - [Shazzer] Fuck! - Sorry. - Fuckity fuck. - Sorry. [pilot] And now our final passengers have joined us, we can get underway. Someone's gotta be last. Oh, fuck. - [crunching] - [Bridget] Are we not sitting together? I don't think we're really in a position to, um,... ...make a fuss. Sorry. Hi. - Sorry. - [man chuckles] [woman] What's our film? What's your name? Mine's Clive. - Er, Bridget. - [Clive chuckles] [pilot] Good afternoon again, ladies and gentlemen. We're about to offer a wide range of duty-free items. Details can be found in your in-flight magazine. [baby cries] Wonderful people, the Thais. Particularly the young ladies. If you know what I mean, eh? - Oh, heaven's sake. - Come with me. Come with me now. - Where are we going? - Just through here. Thank you. This is worse than school. It really wasn't my fault. It's a fizzy drink, you know, it just... It just sort of fizzied over. Couldn't bear to think of you back there in slum class, Jones. Graham, thank you. You are the best air steward I've ever come across. And if I may say so, the smartest. Thank you, sir. I thought you were there aly, doing research. Fuck, no. I make it up as I go along. It's 1 3 hours this trip. I need some in-flight entertainment. Why don't you tell me, in detail, about your school netball tour, particularly the unsavoury incident in the communal showers. I didn't play netball. Or go to a girls' school. - Or have showers. - Now that's just not true, is it? - Let me start you off. - No. If you're gonna be dull, I'm going to plunge back into Mrs Dalloway, and you know how she loves that. Dirty, dirty bitch. - [elephant trumpets] - Here's a new thing That's gonna please ya Just a little town down in Indonesia Bangkok... [Bridget] Arrived Bangkok. Very hot. Relieved at last to throw myself into serious journalistic work. Thailand has long called travellers from around the globe to take spiritual succour and karmic rest. centuries, Western visitors have been inevitably drawn to some of Bangkok's oldest sanctuaries. So true, Bridget. Even l, fight it as I may, am no exception. The moment I arrive here, I almost feel an irresistible pull... ...to this. The Temple of Tranquillity. Indeed, nothing symbolises Thailand's extraordinary fusion of East and West, of tradition and innovation, better than this. Fully body-to-body massage. - Sawatdee kha? - Sawatdee khrab? An incredible thing about Thailand is the amazing traditional cuisine. I'm going to taste kapaluk, the ultimate delicacy. Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, my God. My God. Um... Er... Mmm. How about a lovely locust? I can't. No, no, I can't. - They're delicious. - [crunching Oh! [Daniel] Now that is Ko Panyi, which is the setting a very famous Thai poem, which I think you'd like very much, Jones. It's all about a badly-behaved prince who finds true love with a beautiful, and as it happens, very slightly overweight princess. - You're teasing me. - I never tease about poetry. "Oh, Suvarnamali Why can you not see that I adore you?" "Why do you avoid and scorn me?" "lf you cast me off and leave me How should I live another day?" And you thought all I knew of Thailand was pussies and ping-pong balls. - You wouldn't sleep with him? - No, of course not. Absolutely not. But he is clever. - Yes? - And handsome. He's also a dysfunctional, fucked-up, middle-aged, lost boy. Well, no-one's perfect. [birdsong I didn't realise you were busy. - He's young enough to be your grandson. - I know. Isn't that great? - [man yells] - [ladies shriek] Come on, guys, I've got a very special treat lined up lunch. [Bridget] I'm getting rather fond of Jed, and I must say he has a genuine interest in Thai cuisine. [Bridget] I wouldn't have thought omelette would be big in Thailand. - Or mushrooms, that matter. - [Jed] It's magic. It is a magic mushroom omelette, isn't it? Well, that's awful. There is nothing funny in this at all. Although, thank God, the mushrooms don't actually seem to be working. [ Primal Scream: Loaded]Just what is it that you want to do? Such lovely colours! [gasps] We wanna get loaded And we wanna have a good time... Beautiful Bridget! Beautiful Bridget! Beautiful Bridget! Bridget Jones! [Daniel's voice, distorted] Bridget Jones! But, wait... - [Daniel, distorted] Bridget Jones? - What sound is that? It is Daniel Cleaver. [echoes] [thinks] How unutterably beautiful he is. Jones, what the hell are you doing? [Bridget] You are lovely colours. - I don't wanna lose your love... - Here. Here I am. I think you're completely off your face. - Hey. - [Bridget groans] - Bloody hell. - [Bridget groans and sighs] Oh... Oh, I'm an angel. Oh. How lovely. Glorious sand. Oh. I want to be naked. - Naked as a baby. - Come on, then, angel. Up you get. [Daniel strains] - All right? - Mmm. - [Daniel] How are you feeling? - Completely embarrassed. Don't be. You're charming on drugs. In future, just say yes. Do you know, I never really understood why you wanted to go out with me. - It seemed so unlikely. - Come on. God's sake. You're sexy. You make me laugh. At you, of course, not with you. And you were,... ... incidentally,... ...the best shag... ...I ever had. The best? Aside from Simon Reade in the fifth-m locker room, yeah. Suppose I said you were pretty good too? Pretty good? Was I better than Mark Darcy? By the way, is it true he always says "I'm sorry, I think I'm going to come"? - Who told you that? - It's common knowledge, isn't it? Come on, Jones. Who gave who the hoof? And why? Let's just say that we suffered from a fatal incompatibility. I have missed you, Jones. I don't suppose there's any circumstances in which you would ever consider thinking about trusting me again? Absolutely not. Well, I suppose I'll be getting back to my little hut now. Thank you very much, Daniel. I had a nice time. Is that the Big Dipper or the little one? I can never tell them apart. Definitely the big one. You can't see the little one this close to the equator. Oh, please. You don't know about astronomy. I most certainly do. I'm passionate about it. You know, Jones, if stargazing is something that interests you, then it has to be said that the view from my balcony is quite outstanding. Perhaps you'd like to come up and have a little look? I don't think so. See over there? Along my arm. That's it, over there. That is Orion's Belt. And next to that is a very sexy little constellation called Ursa's Maiden. Ah. She's being very naughty and trying to undo Orion's belt. All right, what about... that one? Yes, well that is a very, very famous star. Um, right next to, of course, um... [chirruping I don't know, some other fucking star that's been there years and years. Seen one star, you've seen the lot, that's what I say, Jones. Different with girls, though. Some girls... ...are special. Are they? I think so. [ 1 0cc: I'm Not In Love]What is this special power you hold over me, Jones? And what about your therapy? I think you might be it. I'm not in love So don't get it It's just a silly phase I'm going through And just because I call you up Don't get me wrong Don't think you've got it made I'm not in love... God, I hope you're wearing those giant panties. Please. [smooching Please be wearing the giant panties. Please. [gasps] Oh, my old friends. Oh, Daddy's home. Did you miss me? Because Daddy missed you. Yes, he did. Wait. Sorry. Can I just have a minute? Just a minute. [thinks] Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Big boys don't cry Big boys don't cry Big boys don't cry Big boys don't cry... [sighs] - Everything all right? - Yeah, sure. Just a bit... nervous. [chuckles] I mean, you see, if I stay with you tonight, well, it's definitely the end of something... important with someone. Um, which has probably ended aly, - but perhaps... - Bridge, Bridge Bridge, Bridge. Doesn't everyone deserve a second chance? Hmm? Except Hitler. Well, he was very, very, very naughty. [knocking What? Nothing. Er, come back later, please. Thank you very much. [knocking Bridge, it's nothing. Leave it. Leave it. You made order 1 0.30. Order what? Me. 1 0.30. You know, I've had it up to here with this hotel. - It's been cock-ups like this all week. - [Thai girl] You Mr Cleaver? Yesterday, you with Maria. She say you big tipper. [mumbles] I mean, I'm up it if you are. Actually, no, that was stupid. It's just one little slip. Don't let it ruin what was gonna be a fantastic weekend shagathon. - I don't want a shagathon. - No, nor do l. Nor do l. - You're right. - You're looking a weekend of sex, - I'm looking... - more. I feel I can change. - I absolutely can change. - I need to change. I can't believe I fell it again. Daniel, I really do think that you should go and fuck yourself. Or her. But definitely not me. - Think - Think Think about what you're trying to do to me - Think - Think think Let your mind go... I can't believe he made up the sex therapy thing. Doesn't matter. I finally learnt my lesson, and it's an excellent lesson to have nailed. - Fuck! - What? No fucking room in the fucking suitcase. There's room in mine. Give me something. Great. - What the hell is this? - It is a fertility-snake bowl. - Ooh. - Jed gave it to me. - Think think - Let your mind go... How romantic. Freedom... The way I look at it, in everyone's life, there's a certain amount of shit. - That's true. - In the last year, things have turned out pretty shitty. So logically, mathematically, even, it's got to be time something not shit. - [Shazzer] Like what? - Maybe Mark will have chucked Rebecca. And he'll run to my door, fall to his knees, possibly wearing a wet white shirt, and beg me to come back. - Think - Think Think about what you're tryin' to do to me... Yes, I very confidently expect very, very good times ahead. [PA] Final call all passengers to London... Isn't he cute? Hello. Hello. Oh... Seems to be getting a bit excited. [laughs] Oh. Er... - [Shazzer] Bridget! - It's just a misunderstanding. Hold the plane. Hold the plane. [Shazzer] Excuse me! Excuse me! [PA] All remaining passengers please report to Gate 7 immediately. [thud] It's not mine. - These yours? - Yes. I mean, they're not my favourite pair. [siren] [brakes screech] You can't do this. I'm English. And an award-winning journalist. Well, maybe not award-winning, but l have been to lots of award ceremonies. [door rattles and clangs] [clang Hello. Bridget Jones. Lovely to meet all of you. [Bridget] Oh, my bloody God and fuck. I hope they've told the British ambassador. Surely Shazzer would have raised the alert. Maybe they got Shazzer as well. [woman speaks Thai] Oh, God, hours. How much longer? [man] Jones. Bridget Jones, you come now. [clang Charlie Parker-Knowles, Assistant Consul. Thank God you're here. Um, shall we... I really had absolutely nothing to do with it. Jed planned the whole thing. That's why he snogged Shazzer, who's much older than him and slightly past her peak. Yes, he sounds the most frightful shit. Mmm. The bore is everyone who gets caught has exactly the same story, so unless we find this, this Jed fellow and get a full confession, you're on a bit of a sticky wicket. Well, how sticky? Something like 1 5 to years. - [whispers] 1 5 years? - Or maybe ten if we're lucky. Ten years! In here? [Bridget] Very black. All my life I've had the feeling something terrible was about to happen. Now it has. Bijjit, right? Bridget, actually. My name Phrao. You're my friend? - Steady on! - Superbra! You lend me. One day, two cigarette. Oh. [laughs] Well, I'll think about it. Actually, I was thinking of giving up, but that was bee I was arrested and thrown into a Thai prison ten to 1 5 years. [laughs] Circumstances change. No, it really, really is "touched". "Like a vir-gin, touched the very first time". - No, you wrong. - No. Like a wersion - Vir-gin. - Fucked the very first time - Touched. - Like a wersion [Bridget] Ten years of this?! Stop! Enough. Enough. If you're going to do it, you really ought to do it properly. After all, Madonna is nothing if not a perfectionist. Five, six, seven, eight and one... Like a virgin Touched the very first time Like a virgin When your heart beats Next to mine... [cheering [Bridget] Dear Mum and Dad, I'm missing you a lot. Please write as soon as you can. I'm feeling pretty low. [man] Bijjit Jone. [inmates shout] In there. You have five minutes. Just five. [door creaks and clangs] Mark? You all right? Oh... [laughs] Fine. Hmm. And... scared shitless. But, you know, perky. I can't believe you've come all this way. I haven't. I was out here handling a eign Office case when I heard about your situation. I haven't done anything wrong. I promise you, it's all a big mistake. Yes, well, I'm sure it is. I've got all the papers here and I'm sure we can sort it out. I think about you all the time. And I'm so sorry, I really, really am, everything that happened between us. Yes, well... [clears throat] We don't have much time and I need you to identify someone me. Is this the man with whom you were seen taking hallucinogenic mushrooms bee you spent the night with Daniel Cleaver? Yes, that's him, but I think you should know... The same man who gave you the snake containing the drugs? Yes, that's him, that's Jed. But it was Shazzer's snake, not mine, and as far as Daniel Cleaver goes... Your sex life doesn't concern me at all. Has there been any ill treatment here? No, no. Well, I mean... ...the toilet facilities are well below par, but... Good, that makes things simpler. Listen, they're prepared to drop all charges against you which is extremely lenient, given the circumstances. You're going to be out within a week. And... [zip] Goodbye. Mark? [clang Thank you. You're welcome. I'm just the messenger. The order came from above. Well, good luck. Glad I could be of help. So, Bijjit, what happen? Well, um... Bijjit! How this can happen? This is terrible! You are innocent! - They're always cheating us. - No, no, no. That's all fine. They've dropped the charges and they're letting me go. But that good news. What is wrong? Mark Darcy definitely... ...doesn't love me anymore. [all] Ohhh. You see the trouble is it was me who chucked him. [Phrao] He treat you bad? Yeah, actually, he did. My boyfriend treat me bad too. - Me too. - [girl] Mine as well. [girl] Me too. Then you know all about it. You think you've found the right man, but then there's so much wrong with him and he finds there's so much wrong with you and it all just falls apart. Don't tell me. My boyfriend, he seem really nice. Then he start to hit me. Make me work on street. My boyfriend, he say he love me. But he do no work, and make me work hour a day. Then he make me take heroin drug. What about you, Bijjit? What your bad boyfriend do? Well, er,... ...he really didn't stick up me at this lawyers' supper,... and, um, then he would fold his... [chuckles] Oh, same sort of thing, really. Hitting me and making me take drugs. Stealing all my money and stuff. [Bridget] Oh, God. I've been the world's biggest fool. [gate slams] Bijjit? Just a few tiny leaving presents. No luxuries. [all gasp] [Madonna] Living in a material world And I am a material girl You know that we are living in a material world And I am a material girl Living in a material world And I am a material girl If you want something smooth on your wall, you could do worse than John Currin. He is about the only contemporary painter who can paint. There's usually something interesting and allegorical, plus of course, there is a very high perv ient. - [Mark] Did you see her? - Cut. Cut it. Sorry, everyone, sorry. It's my stalker. Fuck off, Darcy, some people have jobs to do. Did you see her surrounded by police, dogs, handcuffs? Come on, she's a big girl, she can take care of herself. I'm only going to ask you one more time. Did you see her? You're only gonna ask me one more time? - You haven't got your wig on now, dear. - I'll take that as a yes. Yes, I did see her. I thought she was smuggling seashells, or mangoes. Right. Right, good. Will you step outside, please? Oh, no, it's not possible. Darcy, do you have any idea what century we actually live in? Are you gonna step outside or am I gonna have to drag you? I think you're gonna have to drag me. [birds cry] [ The Darkness: I Believe In A Thing Called Love]- [Daniel] You're insane! - And you're a disgrace, Cleaver. [Daniel] You're pulling my hair! I'm not going in the sodding water. Touching you 'Cause you're touching me I believe in a thing called love Just listen to the rhythm of my heart There's a chance we can make it now We'll be rockin' till the sun goes down I believe in a thing called love Oooh-ooh ooh... - Fuck off! - No, you're going in, Cleaver! If I'm going in, you're coming with me. You smug bastard. [clamouring - [Daniel] Oh, my God. - Get up. [child laughs] Well, what are you gonna do now? Drown me in 1 6 inches of water? Yes, good idea. Fuck! Stop, stop. Listen, listen, listen... OK, I left her at the airport. I shouldn't have done that. But she bumped into Jed herself and I didn't fucking well seduce her, all right? - You didn't? - There's something wrong with her. She's gone all frigid. I spent the night with a gorgeous Thai girl. Who in fact turned out to be a gorgeous Thai boy. Satisfied? Yes. Thank you. You know what, mate? If you're so obsessed with Bridget Jones, why don't you just marry her? 'Cause then she'd definitely shag me. I believe in a thing called love Just listen to the rhythm of my heart I believe in a thing called love - [man] Bridget! - [second man] Bridget! Over here! [reporters shout] - What was it like? - How did you survive? Any girl who's been single in London knows how to handle herself. - Darling! - [man] Will you be going back? Sorry I didn't write. I've just been so busy. Hello, darling. You look lovely. - Skinny, but lovely. - Oh, thank you. - [reporters shout] - Oh, it's good to be home. - [Mr Jones] Ciggy? - No, no, thanks. - I've given up again. - Shame. I find them very useful. I take great comt in the fact they might kill me bee things get worse. The Darcys rang to say how pleased they were you were out. I rather thought Mark might be here to meet you. Yes, but you must remember we split up. So no hope there? No hope there. Believe me, next time I will not fuck it up, Mum. - Language, darling. - Sorry. Next time, I will not fuck it up... -...Mother. - [Mr Jones laughs] [ Robbie Williams: Misunderstood]Trying to be misunderstood But it doesn't do me any good Love the way they smiled at me Hold that face eternity Now let them all fly off When it comes down It all comes down And you will not be found When it's over It's all over Even if I make a sound... Surprise! - Hello. - Hello. - [Tom] Oh, darling. - Hiya. Bridget... I'm so sorry. It's all right. Well, thank God Mark Darcy. I mean, he might be a boring arse, but he permed a miracle. That's a bit of an overstatement. He actually seems to be the villain of this piece. He's a top human rights lawyer and he left it to someone else to get me out. He was just a messenger. - [Tom] Who told you that? - He did. Straight from the horse's mouth. The horse wasn't quite telling you the truth. I called Mark the minute I landed in London. We went to his office and within half an hour, he'd woken two Cabinet ministers and half of Ml5. But none of them could locate Jed, so Mark flew over to lnterpol. Which is in Lyon. They located Jed in Dubai, but they don't normally extradite people, so Mark rang the Home Secretary who rang our ambassador... In Riyadh. Then Mark flew to Dubai where he identified Jed, who was impounded and pushed out into... Saudi Arabia, where Mark was waiting with the police. Jed was arrested and extradited back to Britain. Then Mark flew to Bangkok, to make damn sure they'd let you go. Oh. He was just angry about Daniel Cleaver. - He must still love me. - He fucking must. Taxi? Yes, please. [all shriek] Get in the cab! [all shout] Hurry! Oh. I got about you. Er, l, l, I just wanted to, um,... say something to Mark. He's at the office. Do you want to come in? Oh, no. No, no, I don't think I will. I really hope that you'll be happy together. - Sorry? - You and Mark. I really hope that you'll be very happy together. No, no, no, Bridget, listen... you've got it completely wrong. I'm not in love with him. How could I be when I'm... seriously heartbroken and smitten with someone else? Someone else? - You, Bridget. - Me? Ever since I saw you here with your hair messed that night and bits of garden stuck to you. You must have noticed. I try to hide it, but every time I see you, I light up. I thought you were just, you know,... ...Iying. Was every look I ever gave you a lie? I've been looking ward to this. Lovely to see you, Bridget. - [Rebecca sighs] - Thank you very much. That was lovely. Really lovely. But I'm afraid it's still men in general, and Mark Darcy in particular, that I love. Right. If, er, if I ever do decide to, um,... you know, bat the other side,... ...well, there's no-one else. Only you. [ Jamie Cullum: Everlasting Love]- Hello, Giles. - Hello, Bridget. Open up your eyes Then you'll realise Here I stand with my Everlasting love Need you by my side Girl, to be my bride You'll never be denied... Inns of Court, please. Fast as you can. What do you think of this jacket? - Yeah, very nice indeed. - No, be honest. What do you think of the whole jackettrouser combination? - Disaster. - Actually, can we take a tiny detour? I'll be back in literally two seconds. Where life really flows No-one really knows Till someone's there to show The way to lasting love Need a love to last ever Need a love to last ever... Oh. [ Barry White: You're My First, My Last, My Everything You're the first The last My everything And the answer to All my dreams You're my sun My moon My guiding star My kind of wonderful That's what you are... - You look gorgeous. - Thank you. Very important at this moment. There's no way - They could have made two... - [shrieks] Doesn't matter. It's not about looks. [shrieks] - Your love I'll keep evermore - As I was saying. You're the first... Excuse me, I'm looking Mr Darcy. Down there, right along the corridor, and just to the left. Thank you very much. [ Beyonce: Crazy In Love]Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no... I love you. I always have and I always will. Oh, um... I don't love you, and I never have, and... ... I never will. Sorry. Come in. Hello, Bridget. Hello, Mark. Er... I'm sorry, I'm disturbing you. - Well, yes, a bit. - I'll just... sit outside while you finish. No, no, no, please, say what you have to say, young lady. Mr Santiago is the Peruvian Secretary Trade. And Mr Hernandez is his number two. Hello. [chuckles] Hello. Hello, hello, hello. [laughs] How can we help you, young lady? Well, er,... Er... [Bridget laughs] I just wanted to tell Mr Darcy here that I heard what magnificent work he actually did releasing me from prison. [muttering] Tiny, tiny misunderstanding to do with an enormous stash of cocaine. And I also wanted to say, since having found out that his girlfriend is actually a lesbian,... [man coughs] ...that I love him. Always have. Always will. And that I'm... ...you know,... ...available dates... ...if he should feel so inclined. So, er, your girlfriend is a lesbian. Look, if you'll all just excuse us a second... I think we should... Bridget, that was not the most romantic proposition I've ever heard. Well, maybe it is romantic because it's not. I mean... I know there's no music playing, and it's not snowing, but that doesn't mean that it, that it can't really be something. You're right. In fact, there's a question I've been meaning to ask you. All right. As long as it's not "Will you marry me?" Oh, God. It is "Will you marry me?" Well, I'm not gonna say it now. - Is it "Will you marry me?" - The moment's gone. No. No, no, no. No, wait. Wait. - Bridget. - Start again. - No. - Start again. I'm not gonna... It's... We've just stepped out into the corridor, you say "I've got a question to ask you" and I don't say anything. And... And... You say... Bridget Jones, will you marry me? [vicar] Dearly beloved, we are gathered here this day to e this couple. Do you affirm your love, one to the other? I do. Again. And Colin? I do. Again. As well. Of course. [ Marvin Gaye: Let's Get It On]I've been really tryin', baby... [Bridget] December 31st, year-end summary. Prison stays, one. Lesbian kisses, one. Pounds lost, minus one. Boyfriends lost but then regained following major diplomatic incident, one. Marriage proposals, one. An excellent year's progress. Bridget Jones has cocked things up the very last time. [shrieks] Will Young Your love is king Crown you in my heart Your love is king Never need to part Your kisses ring Round and round and round my head Touching the very part of me It's making my soul sing Tearing the very heart of me I'm crying out more Your love is king Crown you in my heart Your love is king... [Bridget] So, as you can see, I have found my happy ending at last. And I truly believe that happiness is possible. Even when you're 33 and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls. Your love is real [ Beyonce: Crazy In Love]Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no I look and stare so deep in your eyes Touch on you more and more every time When you leave I'm begging you not to go Call your name two, three times in a row Such a funny thing me to try to explain How I'm feeling and my pride is the one to blame 'Cause I know I don't understand Just how your love can do what no-one else can Got me lookin' so crazy right now Your love's got me lookin' so crazy right now Your love's Got me lookin' so crazy right now Your touch got me lookin' so crazy right now Your love's Got me hopin' you'll page me right now Your kiss got me hoping you'll save me right now Lookin' so crazy Your love's got me lookin' Got me lookin' so crazy in love Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no... [ Jamie Cullum: Everlasting Love]Hearts gone astray Deep in her when they go I went away Just when you needed me so You won't regret I'll come back begging you Hmm Won't you get Welcome love we once knew Open up your eyes Then you'll realise Here I stand with my everlasting love I need you by my side Girl to be my pride You'll never be denied everlasting love Hearts gone astray Deep in her when they go I went away Just when you needed me so You won't regret I'll come back begging you Won't you get Welcome love we once knew Open up your eyes Then you'll realise Here I stand with my everlasting love Need you by my side Girl to be my pride You'll never be denied everlasting love From the very start Open up your heart Feel that you fall in everlasting love Need a love to last ever Need a love to last ever Need a love to last ever Need a love to last ever 单身 日记 理性《大话西游经典台词 -- 3:18: 来源:kekenet lt;十一gt;《大话西游1.你想要啊?你想要就说吧,你不说我怎么知道你想要呢? You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent?   .你又在吓我 You scare me again.3.莫非是一家黑店? Is this a slaughter house?.长夜漫漫,无心睡眠It\'s a long night, no mood to sleep.5.如果不能跟我喜欢的人在一起,就算让我做玉皇大帝我也不会开心If I can\'t be with the one who I love, I won\'t be happy even if I were Heaven Emperor.6.要不要我把心掏出来给你看看啊?Should I show you my heart?  7.可惜快乐永远都是短暂的,换来的只是无穷无尽的痛苦和长叹 But happiness is always a flash of time. We only haveendless pain.8.有一天当你发觉你爱上一个让你讨厌的人,这段感情才是最要命的 When you discover that you’ve fallen in love with a man you hate, this affair is really hurting you.9.可我怎会爱上一个我讨厌的人呢?请你给我一个理由好不好?拜托! But how can I fall in love with a person I hate? Please give me a reason, please!.爱一个人需要理由吗?不需要吗?需要吗?We don\'t need any reason to love a person. Don\'t we? Do we?.你有多少兄弟?你父母尚在吗?你说句话啊!我只是想在临死之 前多交一个朋友而已. How many brothers and sisters do you have? Are your parents alive? Speak up! I just want to make a new friend when I\'m going to die.  .所以说做妖就像做人一样,要有仁慈的心,有了仁慈的心,就不再是 妖,是人妖. Being a devil is the same as being a human. We should be kind. If we are kind, we are not a devil, we are a hybrid..爱一个人是痛苦的 Love means pain..这样的话只是得到我的肉体,并不能得到我的灵魂 You can just get my body instead of my spirit..曾经有一段真挚的爱情摆在我的面前,我却没有珍惜,直到失去才追悔莫及.人世间最大的痛苦莫过于此.如果上天再给我一次机会的话,我一定会对那女孩说三个字:我爱你.如果非要在这段爱情前加个期限的话,我希望是一万年. I have had my best love bee, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I fell regretful. It is the most painful matter in this world. If God can give me another chance, I will say 3 words to her --- I love you. If you have to give a time limit to this love, I hope it is thousand years. 大话西游 经典台词我非常喜欢狐狸(I like foxes a lot) -- :6:5 来源: 我非常喜欢狐狸(I like foxes a lot)I like foxes a lot . They’re very cute and fox . They can capture the little animals , foxes like rabbits very much , because they like meat a lot . They’re very beautiful , they are red and white . Foxes have long tails . They can’t as lovely pets . But , we can see them in the zoo or the in the est.旅游英语口语:参观首饰厂 --9 19:5:53 来源: Key sentences(重点句子)1.This factory produces China′s traditional handcraft:cloisonne,or Beijing enamel,as it is called.这个厂主要生产我国传统工艺品:景泰蓝制品,也叫北京烧瓷.The technique must be very complicated.这工艺一定很复杂吧?3. Shall we go and have a look in the workshop?要不要到车间去看看?. Come with me to the display room,where thousands of varieties are on show.跟我到展销厅去看看目前展出的有几千种5.There′s jewelry there,and over there are various vases,utensils,and an assortment of otherthings.那边是首饰,那边是各种花瓶、器皿和其他各种各样的东西6. All these s are of the latest design and samples,besides which there are captions in Englishwith marked price.这些产品都是近几年的新设计新品种,每样旁边都有英文说明和标价7. It′s just like a treasure palace.这里简直像一个珍宝宫殿8. I wonder whether I will be able to part from here once I enter.我怀疑我进去了是否还能出得来9. I also want to buy several necklaces,several bracelet bangles,a casket jewel box,a pen my husband.我还要买几串项链、几个手镯、一个首饰盒,给我丈夫买笔. Do you think I should take this clock or the pair of bottles?你想我是买个座钟还是买这对瓶子?. I've also settled on this table napkin box,toothpick bottle and this set of tableware.我看中了这个餐巾纸盒、牙签瓶和这套餐具. I'll put them in the glass closet in our dining room.我要把它们放在餐厅玻璃柜里.Thank you your compliments.谢谢你们的夸奖DialogueLi:This factory produces China's traditional handcraft:cloisonne,or Beijing enamel,as it iscalled.Nina:Miss LI,how is cloisonne made?The technique must be very complicated.Li:I know a little bit. First they have to make a pattern de-sign,then bodymaking,wiring,enamel-filling and firing,and polishing and gilding. Shall we go and have a lookinthe workshop?Nina:No,I just wondered and asked.Nora:I've heard that those who have been in China buy some pieces as mementos.Nina:Let's also buy some. Miss Li,take us to have a look.Li:Mr. Wang,the manager is coming. Let's follow him.Wang:Welcome. Come with me to the display room,where thousands of varieties are on show. Here are watches and clocks,and writing materials. There's jewelry there,and over there arevarious vases,utensils,and an assortment of other things. All these s are of the latestdesign and samples,besides which there are captions in English with marked price. Except some reserved s,all may be sold on hand.Nora:Thank you. It's just like a treasure palace. I wonder whether I will be able to part from hereonce I enter.Wang:Take your time. I'll be back with you in half an hour. (In about 30 minutes)Nina:I think anyway I must buy a vase. I also want to buy several necklaces,several braceletbangles,a casket jewel box,a pen my husband,and Miss Li,do you happen to have acalculator with you?Nora:Nina,do you think I should take this clock or the pair of bottles?I've also settled on thistable napkin box,toothpick bottle and this set of tableware. I'll put them in the glass closet in ourdining room. (Mr. Wang returns. )Waug:What have you harvested?Nora:Chinese civilization…Nina:And oriental arts.Wang:Thank you your compliments. And thank you,Miss LI, bringing them to ourfactory.Li:You're welcome. Bye now!Words and Expressionsutensil n. 器皿assortment n. 各种各类的聚合bracelet n. 手镯bangle n. 手镯civilization n.文明oriental a. 东方的 旅游 英语口语 参观

地道美语:ush around ""把……呼来唤去,摆布-- :7:31 1.I don' t play around when it comes to money. "play around ""胡闹,闹着玩"eg: Don' t get caught playing around by the teacher. 别让老师逮着你在胡闹.He was playing around on the boat and fell overboard. 他在船上闹来着,然后掉到水里了..Are you still trying to pull something on me? "pull sth on sb ""蒙,欺骗"eg: I caught them trying to pull something on me in the meeting. 他们骗我的事让我在会上当场逮到.  My lawyer makes sure no one pulls anything on me. 我的律师能保没人能骗得了我.3.can just push around. "push around ""把……呼来唤去,欺侮,摆布"eg:My older brother' s always pushing me around. 我哥总欺负我.The company is getting pushed around by competitors. 公司正被对手挤兑.

杰克和他的父母Jack and His Parents --3 3:6:36 来源: 杰克和他的父母Jack and His Parents  It was a fine day in spring. Jack went to the beautiful garden with his parents. The family were working in the garden. They were planting some flowers there.  Jack watered the flowers his mother. Oh, how beautiful the flowers looked! jack's father picked up the most beautiful rose. He gave it to Jack's mother and said, "My dear, I love you. I owe you too much." Jack smiled,and he too, picked up two roses, and gave them to his parents. He said, "dear Dad and Mum, I love you, too. I owe you too much, too."参考译文:  春季的一天,天气晴朗杰克和他的父母去了漂亮的花园全家人在花园干活,他们去种一些花  杰克帮妈妈给花浇水啊,这些花看起来多美啊!杰克的父亲摘下一朵最美的玫瑰他送给杰克的母亲:“亲爱的,我爱你!我欠你的太多了!”杰克笑了,他也摘了两朵玫瑰给父母说:“亲爱的爸爸妈妈,我也爱你们!我欠你们的也太多了!”

Failure in Mid-exam -- :3: 来源: Two days ago, I hadthe mid-exam this term and I did badly. I worked hard on my study, but itjust happened. In Chinese, I wrote a bad composition, because I didn’t write tothe requirements. And the math, I made many mistakes in counting. I was too careless.My teacher told me that I did not do well in this exam. He hoped me to find thereasons. My parents encouraged me and they believed I would do better nexttime. I must work harder.

My friend --19 ::5 来源: My good friend is Tommy. He is shorter and thinner than me. He’s good at basketball and he likes to eat meat. He likes to play games, too! He is very generous. And sometimes he shares some food with me and lends me some books. He is very strong. He lives in Xiangshan so he is good at swimming. He sometimes doesn’t do his homework after class so he has to do his homework in the evening. We are friends so I accompany him to do it. We get along well though we sometimes fight each other. We are a good pair of friends.

家门口的一颗小草 The Grass in Front of my House -- :: 来源: There is a little grass in front of myhouse. As the ground in front of my house is concrete, the only grass becomesvery outstanding. It is very strong. It grows well exposing to the weather. Thereis nothing objects can protect it. example, last night, there was a strongthunderstorm. Now it is tired but still never gives up from growing up. I thinkI have to learn its spirit. I need to be strong in my life.我家门前有一棵小草因为我家门前的地面是水泥地,所以这唯一的一颗小草就变得很显眼它很坚强风吹日晒,没有任何的保护物,它仍然能长得好好的例如,昨天晚上,有一场很大的雷阵雨现在它现在很累,但是仍然没有放弃生命我觉得我应该要学习它的精神我要在生活中学坚强

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